Monday, 23 November 2009

A&R Dickheads

If you are an artist, producer or musician, beware of the people that come up with any of these "buzzwords" I usually use these words as a bullshit detector, because the people in this shallow music industry who speak this bullshit are normally the bullshitters. Theses are not made up, these are genuine phrases that I have been victim of. So here we go...Here are my top 10...Don't trust anyone who says ANY of these.

10. "No Brainer" eg."He can mix the album by next week...Seriously, it's a no brainer"...

9. "Blue sky thinking" eg. "We need to take this urban talent and give it some blue sky thinking"...Oh fuck off!

8. Beware of words like "Urban" "Showcase" & "Talent" In the same sentance, all of these words should tell you that there is no oppertunity to be gained. eg.
A&R/Promoter: "Hi SoulP! We've got this showcase for unsigned, urban talent, are you coming?"
SoulP: "No, I'd rather drink my own piss thanks" ...What this geezer has just said, tells me it's gonna be it's gonna be average. Am I wrong?

7. "Think...Out the box" If somebody ever tells you to "Think out of the box" they are really telling you not to have your own imagination...They're telling you that their ideas will be much better. Its a control buzzword, often used in this scenario eg. "I like your ideas. but let's try thinking out of the box on this one" ... I get so angry when I hear this one that sometimes I think about slapping them round the face...

6. "At the end of the day" Normally used to summerise a meeting. "At the end of the day, the long and short of it is, that there's just no market for it...Soul music just doesn't sell" I was actually told that by a complete twat who shall remain nameless for legal reasons...You know who you are... You probably don't actually, cos you've said that shit to thousands of people for years.

5. "Ping" Or "Shoot" you an email... If anyone tells you that they'll ping, or shoot you an email...They probably won't...I prefer to "send" or "fire" emails accross personally... Also don't ask me to "Touch base" with you either.

4. What the fuck is "Chillax"... That's just stupid...

3. "Hook up" or "Do lunch".... NEVER hook up or do lunch with anyone...I prefer to meet up and have lunch..... And if anyone ever asks you out for "Brunch" tell them to fuck off.

2. "Lets raise the anchor and let this one drift" This one should only be used if your either a sailor, a boat owner, ..Or a pirate...However if your a complete cunt, this works great as well.

1. "I don't say this very often, but this song has number one written all over it"... This usually means that it wont.

SoulP's advice is to always be aware that 90% of managers and record label people are out to musically rape you of your sound, talent, passion and your integrety. These people arn't even musicians, so they have no right to tell you to change anything that your musically proud of.

Realise that you can now sell your music without having to rely on a record label and that you can have your own publishing, your own online shop and your own image. Just steer clear of labels unless they offer you a deal that you just can't refuse.... But if it sounds too good to be true, it normally is....


1 comment:

  1. I know this is an old post dude but i think i've just found my quote of the week:

    "if anyone ever asks you out for "Brunch" tell them to fuck off."